Why Does everyone leave me?
by IluvWP
Summary: This is my first fic so please review! I am attemping to write what i wish would appear in the finaleeven though its ages away, when sara returns! GSR all the way!
1. Chapter 1

I dont own anythin CSI except the DVDS unfortunately, wish i did though...

She left him 6 months ago, with a letter. She kissed him 6 months ago, for the last time. He had attempted to phone her so many times, yet she rejected his calls. With the help of the CSI team they located her in San Francisco working in a university teaching Physics. 6 months ago when she left him he had fallen apart. She phoned him once in all this time a week after she left to tell him that she was sorry and that she loved him. Grissom had turned into a recluse, even more than he was before he met her. He could not understand how she could have left him; after all they went through together. He risked everything for her, he told Ecklie, he kissed her in front of everyone, he told the team he loved her, what more did she want! He changed himself for her; he opened up his home to her, and for what? Just for her to turn and leave him with a letter and the taste of her on his lips. He wondered why people always leave him. His father and now Sara. He had attempted dates in the past before he was with Sara but the always left him because he was too 'weird' or was made of ice. Sara was the only one who saw through that, she made him want to live; she made him become dependant on her and left. Why was he not worth being with?

After Sara's phone call a week after she left he was unbearable to work with. He no longer went out into the field all he did was consult on something if they needed an expert opinion. His office became is sanctuary, his new home. He moved out of his townhouse and moved into an apartment far away from everything that reminded him of her. He cut her out of his life, or attempted to. He would still wake up at night calling her name or waking up with something hard digging into the bed after he had one of _those_ dreams. He was now drinking on a regular basis, meaning whenever he wasn't working. His team and Brass tried to reach out to him to help him get over her, but what they don't understand is that how do you go back to normal when the one thing he cared about most in the world left him because she was 'tired.' Before Sara he was different, he only cared about his work and being the best he could be there and nothing else mattered, but she changed him and now he cared about people, but as soon as she left the walls she tore down were rebuilding bigger than before. Catherine didn't think anyone would be able to get through to him now, she had damaged him so much and Catherine hoped that Sara left him for an amazing reason and she hoped that she realized that she broke the man with the steel heart and that Catherine hopes that it was worth it and she will never forgive her for what she did to her best friend.

A case came in involving a child that was found raped and torture out in the desert. The Sheriff was involved since it was all over the news and was demanding the Grissom and Catherine take the case because of this.

"Come on Gil, we have to this case, so stop mopping and get off your butt and help me for once. We need you the most right now and I am not going to let you sit on the side lines any longer, come on!"

"I said no Catherine, what can't you understand about that! I don't want to help on a case no matter how high profile it is." – He shouted.

"Well what is the point of you even being here then, Gil? Retire, leave, go find Sara and let me be supervisor! You're such a pig head!"

"Don't mention her to me I don't want to hear her name…" – he could not finish his sentence before the Sheriff came into his office.

"Grissom here are the case notes, the Mayor is so happy you are dealing with this case, so are the parents of the little girl." – He said as he left Grissom office.

"Why didn't you tell me it was a kid, Catherine? Come on lets go." – he huffed in defeat.

Catherine smiled to herself as they left, she was glad to be working with him again, she missed it more than he could know and she just hoped he would be as good as he used to be.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the reviews and although I dont have a Beta i have attempted myself to make sure there are no mistakes in this chapter, hope its ok! Thanks again, let me know what you think.

When they arrived at the scene Grissom could feel his stomach lurch at the sight before him. A little girl chained to a wall inside an abandoned garage, dead and naked. He could not believe it; he had never seen a crime as brutal and inhuman as this in his whole career. Catherine watched on, watched her old friend acquaint himself with the crime scene. She saw something in his eyes some sort of sheer determination that she hadn't seen in a while.

"Sorry I'm late Doctor Grissom I got lost on the way here, sir" – David the assistant coroner said as he rushed to the victim.

"That's ok David, we just got here anyway."

"Right we will just get these chains off and lower her on the bed" – David directed to the other coroner.

"I'll help David" – Grissom told him, slightly choked on his words.

"That's ok…" – Davis attempted to say but Grissom cut him off.

"I SAID I'll help you"

David chose the smart option and let Grissom help even though this was not normal behavior. Grissom held the little girl under the arms while the chains where cut off to avoid her falling and to preserve the evidence the best he could. Catherine watched on as he held the little girl with such care not unlike how he would hold Lindsay. She always wondered what happened to Grissom as to why he is affected more than everyone else in these cases.

As Grissom was holding the little girl he tried to imagine how someone could do this to a child. He knew that he would never become a father but he always wondered about the relationship and what it would be like to lose something so precious, but then he remembered he had lost something as precious. Although she wasn't dead, to Grissom she might as well be as he knew she wouldn't be coming back for him, no-one ever does.

Once he was satisfied the little girl was safe in the van and of to the morgue he started on the scene. He started on the chains, swabbing every surface he could. He found blood on the chains which he assumed was from the little girl since he noticed she had cuts on her wrists. 'At least she fought back, good girl' he thought to himself. Then he found blood on the chain near the wall and realized that this could not have been from the little girl as she would not have been able to reach, he took a swab to be tested at the lab and hoped for the best. Catherine was on the perimeter and found some footprints leading from the back of the garage. She followed them and saw tire treads where they ended. 'There was a car here, so we know she was transported in a car.' She processed the tire treads and headed back to Grissom.

As she came back to the garage she watched Grissom, he was staring at the wall where the girl was chained up, not moving not making a sound. She knew he was off in another world and she wondered what he was thinking, although she would never know what was inside the vault that was Gil Grissoms' mind. She decided to interrupt before he noticed her spying:

"Hey, I got a tire tread and foot prints outside, so I'll get them to the lab, you find anything?"

No reply.

"Gil??" – She nudged him to snap him out of his trance.

"You ok? You seem a bit out of it."

"I'm fine Catherine, just leave it" – that was all he said as he stormed out and left Catherine in his wake.

'I need him so much and he is just not himself anymore' – Catherine thought to herself.

After a long quiet ride back to the lab Grissom left Catherine's Denali without a word and went back to his office.

'I'll take the evidence will I?' – She thought sarcastically.

He stormed into his office, mad at himself. 'I can't even process a scene nowadays what is wrong with me!' he thought to himself. He sat down on his couch with his head in his hands and tears ran from his eyes. He saw himself as worthless, he had nothing left to give, SHE took it all, he was broken and didn't know how to be fixed. He had to compose himself as his cell phone rang.

"Grissom!" – He snapped.

"Whoa Buddy, no need to shout, I just wanted you to know that there was an old lady that contacted the station after she saw all the police around. She lives just down the road from the crime scene. She said that she saw a white SUV speed past her house from the direction of the crime scene."

"Sorry Jim, but that SUV may not have anything to do with my crime scene."

"Or it could have everything to do with it" – Jim retaliated.

'God, that sounded like something Sara would say to me' he thought to himself.

"Ok thanks, Jim I'll let Cath know."

"No problem, I'll let you know if I get anything else" Jim said as he hung up.

Just then Nick burst through the door:

"Hey Griss man, Doc Robbins said that he is ready with the DB for the cause of death, so he is expecting you and Cath." – then he exited as quickly as he came.

'Don't call her a 'DB' she is worth more than that' – Grissom thought to himself.

As he and Catherine arrived at the morgue she saw Grissom hesitate before entering and taking a deep breath he composed himself.

"Cause of death?" – He said as he entered, acting as if this was just any other case, or that's what he kept telling himself.

"Well hello to you to Gil, and I'm fine thank you! The cause of death was strangulation; you can easily see the ligature marks on her neck. I did an SAE kit and I saw that there is definite bruising at 6 on the vaginal clock, so I'm sorry to say this little girl was brutally r….."

Doc Robbins didn't get to finish as Grissom was out of the room and out of the lab like lightening. He went to his office and started to go crazy and un-Grissom like. He made so much noise with throwing items around his office that people were starting to gather in the halls. Catherine having left the lab after him was trying to divert the attention and get everyone back to work.

"There is nothing to see get back to work before I get Ecklie down here, now!"

"Gil, stop it, what are you doing?" – She asked in a mild panic.

"Just leave me the fuck alone Catherine, I wish everyone would just leave me alone, there is nothing here worth talking to so just leave me be!!!"

"No Gil, I will not! I mean I know you are upset about Sara still but there is no point in taking it out the lab, the one thing you have left!" – As soon as she said it she regretted it, she didn't want to remind him that he was alone and the one thing left was slowly disappearing due to his attitude.

"Sorry I didn't mean that honestly I'm so…"

"Just leave me alone…just, just go" – He said in defeat.

"Don't do this Gil, don't turn on yourself! I need you now on this case can you do it, please?"

"There is one thing I would never do and that is abandoning a little girl, so to answer your question, yes I will finish this case." – He said it with such venom on his voice Catherine was slightly afraid, as she turned to leave he said:

"But know this Cath, I think I may leave the lab once this case is over, I, I ,I can't do this anymore Cath after Sara left I can't take it……I'm finally burning out."

TBC


End file.
